Let’s Get Drunk and Sing ‘Hotel California’

Our ode to guitar-playing backpackers everywhere, who love to play “Hotel California,” “Three Little Birds,” and “Country Roads,” and to their friends who sing along, who tend to know only the words to the chorus.

In a dark Khao San guesthouse
Fan blowing my hair
Warm smell of tequila
Roaches everywhere
I crawled towards the bathroom
And I turned on the light
Then as I bowed to the porcelain god
I remembered last night
There we were in the hostel
Just come back from the bar
A German and an Italian went to their rooms and grabbed their guitars
Then we threw back some cold ones, and we started to sway
As I sank into a drunken haze
I heard someone say,

“Let’s all sing ‘Hotel California’
Such a classic song, let’s all sing along.
Everyone on earth knows ‘Hotel California’
I know it by heart… wait, how does it start?”

From Phuket to Phnom Penh
It’s the same everywhere
You’re checking in to a hostel
If there’s a front porch- beware
Later on you’ll be singing
With folks you only just met
Some words they remember
Most words they forget
You can excuse yourself early
If you feel tired or drunk
Go back to your eight-bed dorm and awkwardly scale the top bunk
But still their voices will be calling from far away
You’ll wake up in the middle of the night
Just to hear them say

“Let’s all sing ‘Hotel California’
Such a classic song, let’s all sing along
Everyone on earth knows ‘Hotel California’
So we forgot the words… time for ‘Three Little Birds’

‘Country Roads’ or ‘Zombie’
or ‘Wonderful Tonight’
It doesn’t matter what song they play
They never get it right
But here is the worst possible choice
For a hostel sing-along:
Hotel California is just not that great of a song
Words too hard to remember
Chords, too many to play
Why do we all feel the need to sing this song every day?
I’m sick of hearing it mangled
I hardly liked it much before
You can sing any song you like
But Hotel California- NO MORE…

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